just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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