i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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