last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
