i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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