1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
