K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
