Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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