I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
