I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
