It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
