she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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