is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
