I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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