do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
