Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize