SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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