I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
