whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
