Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
