its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
