I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
