im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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