The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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