and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
