guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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