I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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