I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
