I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize