I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
