I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
