Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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