Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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