If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
