The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
