i jhust puked up my retainher.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
