OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize