And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she pinky promised me she was 18
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
