Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
