Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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