my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
