what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
