I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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