Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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