i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
