I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Every concussion has its silver lining
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
