I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
