The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
