So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
