bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
