Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk

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(303): View more from Colorado

so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...

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(256): View more from Alabama

Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.

(228): View more from Mississippi

Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.

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(480): View more from Arizona

I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Gym?

(801): View more from Utah

Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.

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(301): View more from Maryland

i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca

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(817): View more from Texas

you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with

(214): View more from Texas

Did it work?

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