Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
