I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
