Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
