We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
