the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
