i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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