just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize