I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The best revenge is premature balding
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
