My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
it's great music for shaving your balls
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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