More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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