if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
