is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
