I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize