I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
