Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize