i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Fuck appropriateness.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
