he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
