You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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