yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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