You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
