dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
