they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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