Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
