i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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