Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize