if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
