I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
