I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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