So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
