I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize