i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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