neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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