So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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