You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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