WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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