Don't you send me to vm
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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