Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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