taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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