Well douche your snatch and let's go!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize