Im at strip club and am horny
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
