9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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