Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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