I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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