Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
